


Dear Prudence (About Phone Calls And Imaginary Friends)

by noarel



Category: Fleabag (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28126635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noarel/pseuds/noarel
Summary: Four years after they said their goodbyes, Fleabag accidentally calls the Priest.-"So you really have me saved as Priest in your contacts?”“Yes? Is that weird?”He was laughing. Fuck, that laugh was so familiar.“A little. I do have a name, you know.”“Maybe I needed the reminder,” she said. “Of your occupation. A very good reason not to call you.”
Relationships: Fleabag/Priest (Fleabag)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I finished watching Fleabag on Monday night and haven't stopped thinking about it since. So, here I am, writing a fanfic. I hope you like it, and I hope there aren't too many mistakes, because English isn't my first language.

She was looking at her phone intently, thumb hovering over the screen. She could do this. She could, it had been four years already. There was no need for this number. It had fucking passed. She could do this…

“Fucking hell,” she shouted, when she accidentally called the number. She tried to be fast but the person on the other side was even faster.

He answered with his last name and a formal hello. _Someone hasn’t been keeping my number in his phone contacts for four years._

“Shit. Fuck. Sorry. Fuck.” _Articulate._ Shut up, Boo.

“You,” he said. _He sounds out of breath. Interesting_. “Sorry, I was jogging. Fuck, is it really you?”

“Yeah,” she said. _This is embarrassing._ “Sorry, I accidentally called the wrong number. I was supposed to call Pr- Prudence.” _Prudence?_ She could almost see Boo shaking with laughter next to her. Maybe with a glass of wine in her hand.

“Prudence?”

“Yeah, Prudence.” She had a pause. “Aunt Prudence. Yeah, I was supposed to call my aunt Prudence.”

“Wait… I'm near Prudence? So you really have me saved as Priest in your contacts?”

“Yes? Is that weird?”

He was laughing. Fuck, that laugh was so familiar.

“A little. I do have a name, you know.”

“Maybe I needed the reminder,” she said. “Of your occupation. A very good reason not to call you.”

His laughter stopped. A shame, really.

“Fuck. True,” he said. “So, who is this aunt Prudence I’ve never heard you talk about before?”

“It’s not important,” she said. “She’s a relative.”

“Yeah, I gathered that when you called her your aunt,” he answered and she could imagine the corners of his eyes wrinkle from amusement. _Fucking adorable._

“I was going to ask her to return my Beatles records. She’s a fan,” she said. _This is going well._

“I didn’t know you have any Beatles records,” he said.

“Oh, Father,” she answered. “You don’t know everything about me.”

“Somehow Father doesn’t sound as dirty from anybody else,” he said. “Fuck. Sorry.”

“I’m not sorry.”

“Fuck you, then.”

“So, you’ve missed me?”

“We should probably end this conversation.”

“A shame, I’ve just started to like where this is going. I can call old Prudence any time.”

“Prudence who likes the Beatles, huh. How convenient that they have a song called after her.”

“Maybe she was their muse.”

A chuckle. Fuck, this feels so familiar. _His beautiful voice._ She can really imagine how she could have been lusting over him with Boo. Although lusting over the same man didn’t lead to anything good. She should know.

“I can almost hear you doing that thing again,” he said. Oh, that’s right, he could always tell. “What is that thing? Where do you go? You never told me.”

The image of Boo sitting next to her with a glass of wine in her hand disappeared and she was alone. Again. Always.

“Fuck you,” she said. It was a reflex.

  
“Yeah yeah, I know.” His tired voice moved something in her.

“Remember… the friend? I talked about?” She almost sounded like her father with her incomplete sentences.

“The one you opened the café with?” Oh. He really remembered. After four years.

“Yeah. Her. Boo. Well, she died.”

“Fuck, when? I’m so sorry.”

“A long time ago. She was dead when I mentioned her to you.”

“So… you talk to her? When you go away?”

“Kind of,” she answered, feeling uncomfortable.

“That’s…”

“Sad?”

“I think it’s beautiful.”

“Actually, it’s pretty ugly. She probably wouldn’t want me to talk to her at all. Not after what I did to her.”

She shouldn’t be talking to a catholic priest. He made her confess.

“Do you want to talk about it? I’m here. I’m always here.”

“You know that’s a fucking lie,” she said and he fell silent again. “I slept with her boyfriend, okay? And then she killed herself. Accidentally. A bike and another bike and a car drove over her.”

“Okay,” he said. How could he be so calm?

“But… I think, before, I wasn’t really imagining her when I disappeared. I was just talking to somebody, you know? Somebody who understood me. But lately I’ve been imagining her here with me. It feels nice.”

“That does sound nice,” he said warmly. “I don’t really have that.”

“Doesn’t Pam understand you?” she said, finding the teasing tone into her voice again.

“Fuck no.” And then: “I’m saving your number, you know.”

“So I don’t have to talk to my imaginary friend?”

“Yeah. I pity you.”

  
“Fuck you, like you don’t have a imaginary friend to talk to every day.”

“Well, yeah, can’t really argue with that.”

Suddenly she thought about the falling paintings and felt sad for a moment.

“I’m getting cold so I’m going to end this call, okay?” he said.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll call you,” he said. “Bye. Love you. Fuck, sorry.”

“Bye,” she said. _Love you too._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A fox followed me home, you know.”
> 
> “Hello, Priest. Funny way to start a phone call.”
> 
> “A fox followed me home that night.”
> 
> “Which night?” she asked, even though she already knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I re-watched Fleabag. With my mother. The sex scenes in the first season were a bit awkward. And apparently she is very cold-hearted, because in the end she was just like "Oh, she will find someone else." WHAT?? Unbelievable!
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments to the first chapter, they really made my day. I wasn't planning on continuing this, but after my re-watch this just happened. So, you're welcome! I might continue again, when the spirit comes.
> 
> Some more notes at the end! Enjoy!

“A fox followed me home, you know.”

“Hello, Priest. Funny way to start a phone call.”

“A fox followed me home that night.”

“Which night?” she asked, even though she already knew.

“At the bus stop.”

“The first time you dumped me or the second time?”

“Fuck off.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what you said to me back then,” she said, but with a cheerful tone in her voice. _He loves me._ It was painful and wonderful to know, still, after four years.

“The fox followed me home and I was fucking terrified but I deserved it.”

“That’s true.”

“I kept thinking I should’ve at least made sure you got home safe.”

“Nobody wants a person who just dumped them for God to walk them home. I’m an adult. I went home, had a little cry, had a little wank, and then went to sleep. It passed.”

“Oh,” he said. _He’s a bit disappointed about that._

“You wanted me to wallow?”

“Well, no, of course not. But yes, yes I did.”

“After you left me for your imaginary friend? That’s a bit cruel, Father.” _Yes, I know it’s cheap to use that word when I know what it does to him. But it is also funny. I wonder how he’s going to change the -_

“How’s your stepmother doing?” _Ugh._

“How’s your relationship with God?”

“It’s complicated.”

“ _Is it? Interesting._ Oh shit, that’s not what…”

“You were only going to say it in your mind?”

“You make it sound like I’m mental.”

“Maybe you are. Beside the point.”

“You know I go to therapy nowadays. She’s quite hot. Wears nice scarfs.”

“I remember one time you were saying something about my beautiful neck. I wasn’t supposed to hear that, either.”

“You really remember everything.”

“Everything,” he said, and the word was so heavy with meaning that they both were silent for a while, thinking about the steamy sex. At least that’s what she was thinking about. _Oh, now he’s speaking again._

“Umm… how’s… what have you…?” _Yup, he’s definitely thinking about the steamy sex._

“You sound like my father, Father.”

“You’re insufferable. We should probably end this conversation.”

“That’s what you said last time, and then you saved my number,” she said. Cheerfully.

“Can I ask you something?”

_I hate questions._ “Okay.”

“Did it? Pass?” _Oh._

“Kind of? I used to see you everywhere, but I had my sister’s video calls and therapy and Chatty Wednesdays at the café. Time passed, I felt happy with my life. I went to bad dates and good dates, had these fleeting relationships and wasn’t comparing everyone to you.”

“That’s good.” _Liar. He wants me to wallow._

“I spent so much time in my life being angry and sad and hopeless that I just wanted to be me at last. And you made me like me, so thanks.”

“Thank you for telling me that,” he said quietly.

“Oh! Also, I’m an aunt now!”

“Not Claire and…”

“Ugh, fuck no. She’s with Klare now.”

  
“Claire… and Claire?”

“Yeah, I know it’s fucking confusing. Klare is a Finn, they were business partners first. Apparently Klare is a normal man’s name there, even though it sounds made up. They live in Finland now, and have a son, whose name sounds equally made up.”

“I don’t know anything about babies. Should I ask something about him? What do babies even do? Honestly, I don’t even want to know anything about him!”

“If your inner monologue sounds like that all the time, you must be fucking exhausted.”

“Believe me, I am. Christ.”

“I’m not offended if you don’t ask about my nephew. I think he’s fucking adorable, but that’s because I’m his aunt and he loves me unconditionally. Also, how can you spend time with your parishioners if you’re uncomfortable with children? Are you always on the edge? Do you run away if you see a baby?”

“Sometimes, yes, I run. I go hide around the corner and curse that I’ve quit day-drinking. Then Pam drags me back in, and I smile and nod and pray that no one notices. They are God’s gifts, after all.”

“You’re fucking adorable,” she laughed.

“Thanks. I try. Actually, that’s a lie. I don’t try at all. I’m just weird and lonely most of the time. Nobody ever calls me adorable.”

_Fuck. I’ve never felt more connected to him. Is that weird? Or sad? Probably both._

“That’s a real shame,” she said warmly. She really didn’t want this phone call to end. Probably not a good sign. “I should go,” she said, because she knew this wasn’t good for her. And then: “I’ll call you.”

_What? I’m not made of stone, Boo._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to write the bit about Klare's made up name, because I'm a Finn and that's definitely not a real name here. I keep thinking what name could be shortened like that but I still haven't found an answer. Korhonen is a real surname here, but Klare?? It's funny though, so I forgive it.
> 
> I'd like to use swear words more creatively but it's hard when it's not my mother tongue. Is there a swearing course in English? I wish there were, but now I stick to mostly just "fuck". It's a versatile word, though. 
> 
> I keep googling are the words I use more American or British English, but Google isn't giving me answers.
> 
> ps. I also think the Priest is fucking adorable. My bf has heard so much about the Priest that he sent me a photo where he was wearing a black shirt with a piece of paper as a dog collar. :D
> 
> Hope you liked this! <3


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